31 August 2006

The NFC East is nigh!

Two more to go! Sportsbook is on the fritz this morning, so the odds are from Bodog, except for the division title ones which are from SportsColumn. I don't even think that second one's a bookie, it was just the first thing that came up on Google. Not responsible for anybody deluded enough to interpret this wild speculation as "advice".

Dallas Cowboys

I feel like Parcells-Owens I should be a pay-per-view event. Cool thing about Parcells is he's never afraid to bench stars if they don't produce. I'm thinking Owens starts slow and finds his production limited, bitches about it to the NFL on Fox crew by mid-October, gets benched, fakes an injury so he doesn't have to admit he got benched. I also think the Cowboys will be quite successful without him.

Looks to be a good year for the 'Boys overall; they'll win a game or two in the playoffs, bu tI can't see them going all the way.

I have no idea what music is from Dallas. I don't think it has much of a scene, though, 'cause all the cool kids live in Denton. ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead say they're from Austin, but they're really from Plano, which is that rich-kid Dallas suburb where all those teenagers kept OD-ing a few years back.

Total wins: 91/2 Seems high. This is a tough division, anybody could win it, but I think these teams are all gonna spend a lot of energy beating each other up. Also, Drew Bledsoe will start out hot but fade late in the season. Mark my words. Anyway, too close to call.

Division title: 8-5 They're getting the shortest odds to take it, so don't bother. Like I said, anybody's ballgame.

Super Bowl champs: 8-1 Sorry Drew, but I don't see it.

New York Giants

Stoked as I am for Manning v Manning next Sunday night? Should be a barnburner. Prediction: if the Giants win that game, they win the NFCE. Prediction: the Colts win.

New York is the birthplace of hiphop. What more do you need? You need Fishscale, that's what. Put the crunk down. NYC is back.

Total wins: 9 Yeah, maybe, I dunno... Look, I know I seem wishy-washy about this whole division, but it really is a four-way toss-up. I mean, any of these teams could win the NFCN is a walk. Think about that. Don't bet, think.

Division title: 9-4 If they hadn't won it last year I'd give them a shot. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but they just don't look like back-to-back winners.

Super Bowl champs: 18-1 Not out of the question, actually, except that would mean the players would have to put up with Coughlin for an extra month; not sure I see it.

Philadelphia Eagles

Okay, now the Eags, I like. All their odds here have them coming in last, and I think they're being way underestimated. Healthy McNabb equals dangerous team, period. Everyone else on that offense is interchangeable. They won before Owens, they'll win after him.

Philly is the home of the Dead Milkmen. I never much cared for them, but people from Philly have a big local-pride attachment to them, which kind of tells you something about Philly's musical heritage. I mean, what about Philly Soul, why not cling to that?

Total wins: 81/2 Over, over, over. Notice, by the way, that this is the lowest mark in the division, while the highest is one game better.

Division title: 14-5 Just as likely as the rest, maybe even a little more, and the longest odds to boot. Take it. Am I too high in the Eags? Whatever.

Super Bowl champs: 24-1 Buck stops here. Maybe next year. On the other hand, why not...? Nah, forget it.

Washington Redskins

I thought they were gonna take it till Portis got hurt and they started getting blown out in the preseason. I mean, I know it's just the preseason but come on, man! This is pathetic! This team may be in for some serious disappointments. It's a bummer the Gibbs comeback has to end this way, but there's always NASCAR.

DC was simultaneously the home of thriving harDCore and go-go scenes in the early 80s, a punk/funk dual takeover rivaled only by that of Minneapolis's around the same time. Step to that!

Total wins: 9 The way they've looked lately they seem like they're headin' for the under.

Division title: 9-4 Can I bet on them not to win it?

Super Bowl champs: 15-1 Uh-uh.


Big comeback year for Phi; I think they could take it. They'll go like 10-6 and the last place team'll go 8-8. Seriously, it'll be that tight. The picks: Phi > 81/2, Was < 9, Phi 14-5 NFCE.

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