End-of-the-season blues

Back before the NFL season started I posted a whole mess of predictions and some dubious gambling advice. Let's review. First up: over/unders on win totals.

• Phoenix
  my pick: under 8; actual: 5
  Kinda proud of myself for not buying into the hype on these guys. Same thing's gonna happen next year, by the way: new coach, Leinart should improve, they'll be everybody's "surprise" pick to win that shitty division. And guess what? Their o-line'll still suck and they'll be lousy again.
• Buffalo
  my pick: under 6¹/₂; actual: 7
  Well that hot streak didn't last long. Losses this close are frustrating, because one finds oneself looking back at specific games going, "Man, if the Jets had just stepped up for that one," or, "If the Dolphins hadn't been so crappy..." Best not to linger on these.
• Charlotte
  my pick: over 10; actual: 8
  Man, what the hell happened here? Injuries on both sides, overall underperformance; they gotta bounce back, right? I mean there's just too many positives here to stay down. On the other hand, I hear they're thinking about trading up in the draft and getting a long-term replacement for Delhomme, which means an inevitable rebuilding year.
• Chicago
  my pick: over 9; actual: 13
  Considering that you could basically start by spotting 'em at least five in the division alone, I don't see how anyone could've taken the under here. But what do I know?
• Detroit
  my pick: under 7; actual: 3
  Seven wins? Are you kidding me? This team'll be lucky to win seven games over the next two years! You know Millen's coming back for another year, right? Remember the plot of that baseball movie Major League? It's about this evil lady that owns the Cleveland Indians, and she tries to put together the worst team possible because if she loses enough games she can break her stadium lease and move the team. Do you see where I'm goign with this, conspiracy theorists? Can there be any other explanation for the duration of the Millen era?
• Houston
  my pick: under 5¹/₂; actual: 6
  Can't believe I got done in by a two-game winning streak to close the season. Do you think Kubiak mentioned the win line in his pre-game speech before the last game? To like, inspire them?
• Indianapolis
  my pick: over 11¹/₂; actual: 12
  Another year, another division title. Yawn. They beat a double-digit number even with a bad losing streak near the end.
• Minneapolis
  my pick: over 8; actual: 6
  I think I underestimated the Packers. I think a lot of us did. I mean, that's two losses right there. Man, does this look like a going-nowhere team or what? Pencil them in for under eight again next year.
• N'awlins
  my pick: under 7; actual: 10
  Go ahead, laugh. Like you called this one. The start of the Haslett-Brooks era looked promising too, remember? I think this one's got more staying power, though.
• Oaktown
  my pick: over 6¹/₂; actual: 2
  This pick honestly baffles me. Even after re-reading my summary, I have no idea what I was thinking. I guess they just happened to play a whole bunch of teams that I had seriously underestimated (Bal, SD, SF, NYJ), and I figured they'd take a few of those. But still, seven wins? How did I talk myself into this? Easily my most embarrassing pick.
• Psychedelphia
  my pick: over 8¹/₂; actual: 10
  Who's the man? I think I'm the only person that predicted a major return to form for the Eags. The rest of their division wound up being pretty overrated.
• Pittsburgh
  my pick: over 10; actual: 8
  Whatever. I made this pick after the motorcycle accident, too, which lends it a real air of what-was-I-thinking, although it's not nearly as awful as that Raiders pick. What can I say, I figured the champs would stay strong. Blinded by the rings, y'know?
• Seattle
  my pick: over 10¹/₂; actual: 9
  This one was just begging for trouble. Double-digit wins coming off a Super Bowl loss is always a tall order, for some reason. I even correctly predicted that Shaun Alexander would get hurt, and still called them winning a whole bunch. Weak-lookin' schedule, I guess.
• Tampa
  my pick: over 8; actual: 4
  Ha-ha, WOOPS! These guys were like my big surprise pick that nobody else was calling. I still don't see why they were so bad. They returned most of the same team that won the division the previous year, and it's not like losing Simms was such a huge deal. I also didn't even see them play once this year, so I can't offer any hindsight wisdom now.
• Nashville
  my pick: over 5¹/₂; actual: 8
  I told you Fisher's teams never stay down too long. And they're winning ten next year, assuming Chow doesn't wind up in Phoenix.
• The District of Columbia
  my pick: under 9; actual: 5
  HA-HA, fuck the Redskins. I can't think of a more fun guy to root against in all of sports than Dan Snyder. Time to face the music, Dan-O: Gibbs is washed up.

Final record: 7-9
Better luck next year, I guess. I never even realised until just now that I picked win lines for exactly 16 teams, so my record looks like an NFL record. And one that's not even good enough for the playoffs, to boot. Even in the NFC (barely).

But that's nothing compared to how I did on my division champ picks:

• Philly 14-5
• Minny 5-2
• Tampy 3-1
• Miamy 5-2

Not only did I only hit one out of four (and the one with the shortest odds, at that), but half of them finished last. Who's a winner? That's right, baby.

Oh but we're not done yet. Take a look at my Super Bowl picks:

• Indy 6-1
• Denvy 12-1
• Charly 12-1
• Tampy 30-1

As you can see, three out of four didn't even make the playoffs. I sincerely hope no one actually took those picks as gambling advice. I am not a professional. I'm not really worried, mind you; no one reads this thing anyway.

Playoff preview tomorrow. Maybe.